Category Archives: Humor

DECLASSIFIED: Late Night on Classified Docs & Trump vs. Diamond & Silk

 

Wanda Sykes joked that Donald Trump could only remember one Black woman at a time: “If he turns on the TV right now, he’ll be like, ‘Wow, Diamond’s hosting “The Daily Show”!’”
Credit…Comedy Central

‘Tone-Def Comedy Jam’

[Famed comedian] Wanda Sykes started her weeklong stint as host of “The Daily Show” with a look at former President Donald Trump’s awkward eulogy during a memorial for an unwavering supporter who died recently. The service was for Lynnette “Diamond” Hardaway, one of two conservative talk show stars/sisters [aka “Diamond & Silk”], who Sykes noted “were always showing up at his rallies, praising him on TV, setting the Black race back 50 years.”

“You know those two. Trump held meetings with them, he’d invite them to the Oval Office, he would point at them and say, ‘See, Black people love me!’” — WANDA SYKES

#45, flanked by [left] the late Diamond (Lunette Hardaway) and, um, What’s-her-name . . .

I mean, come on — to say you know Diamond but don’t know Silk is wild, because they are always together. That’s like saying, ‘I know Bert, but I never heard of this Ernie fellow.’” — WANDA SYKES

“If you just learned about Silk, I’m going to go ahead and say you didn’t know much about Diamond. That’s like saying, ‘I’m a lifelong fan of Garfunkel, but who is this Simon I’m just hearing about? Did they do anything together?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Knowing Trump, he probably only has room for one Black woman in his brain at a time. If he turns on the TV right now, he’ll be like, ‘Wow, Diamond’s hosting “The Daily Show”!’” — WANDA SYKES

“Trump appeared before a sitting room-only crowd. One hundred fifty mourners gathered to hear him speak about their beloved Diamond — and he almost did. He almost spoke about her.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“It was more of a ‘me-logy’ than a eulogy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Does Not Spark Joy Edition)

“On Friday, the F.B.I. spent 13 hours searching President Biden’s house in Wilmington, Del., and they found more classified documents. You know what? At this point, just let us know when you stop finding them, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON


“The Justice Department also took handwritten notes from when Biden was vice president. One was a piece of paper addressed to Obama that just said, ‘Do you like me? Check yes or no.’”
— JIMMY FALLON

“It’s crazy. First Trump, now Biden. Today, just to be safe, Obama burned his house down.” — JIMMY FALLON

“I mean, come on, the man has been in public office for 238 years. I bet you most of the [expletive] he has isn’t even classified anymore. You read his notes and it’s like, ‘Keep an eye on this Hitler guy!’” — WANDA SYKES

“Those notes are ancient. One of them was, ‘Find out who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

[Note: It was the same cat who put the RAM in the ram-a-lama-ding-dong. Everybody knows that. — THE ANONYMOUS BOOMER]

“How could America be $31 trillion in debt and, apparently, no one in the executive branch has ever purchased a shredder?” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Apparently, all politicians just hoard classified material. I’m starting to wonder how Jimmy Carter insulates all those Habitats for Humanity houses.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“At this point, the F.B.I. is just decluttering Biden’s house for him. They’re like Marie Kondo going around his rooms like, ‘This list of spies does not spark joy.’” — WANDA SYKES

AND FOR OUR FABULOUS & FANTASTIC & FULLY FAMILY-FRIENDLY-FINISH . . .

 

Garrison Keillor Returns: Still Good-Looking & Above Average

Hey, Garrison, ‘bout time you sent us a postcard. Where are you and what are you up to?

Why I am in Minnesota, if you wish to know
The Column: 01.20.23 — GARRISON KEILLOR

We came back to Minneapolis to see snow on the ground, there being none in Manhattan yet, and to drive around the old neighborhood where I lived when I was broke. It was 1969, I’d quit a comfy job at the U so I could write a novel and become famous. I had an infant son and he and my wife and I lived there for several months, then the money ran out. Continue reading Garrison Keillor Returns: Still Good-Looking & Above Average

“Happy Anniversary”—Jan. 6 is Now Groundhog Day

What, Me — Helping the FBI??? Oh, hellyes: Finding the Jan. 6 pipe bomber (s)?? My bit may not be much, but . . . (This is NOT  a cartoon or spoof.) More info here.

Continue reading “Happy Anniversary”—Jan. 6 is Now Groundhog Day

A Breakout Political Performance Held Over By [UN]Popular Demand: “George Santos”


In yesterday’s New York Times,  columnist  Michelle Cottle picked “George Santos”, said by some to be a Congressman-elect, as political con man of 2022: Continue reading A Breakout Political Performance Held Over By [UN]Popular Demand: “George Santos”