Maybe more of us than we now realize, as a huge storm is freezing big swaths the continent into an icy, windy immobile weekend.
And I don’t mean “thriller” entirely as a jest. Even though most of us know the basics of the story, this is a complex saga with plenty of twists and cliffhangers, a cast of characters from the heroic to very creepy and deadly, and a plot that leaves the fate of the Republic still in mortal peril. Besides, despite the fact that the identity of Whodunnit is known to all, this supervillain may yet skate free til he succumbs in his gold-plated bed from an overdose of hairspray or Diet Coke. The whole tome builds toward a monumental climax that hasn’t yet come about, so there’s still lots of suspense.
But I don’t know how much of it I’ll get to read either. So here’s the results of my first toe-dip, as hints for others still intrigued but stuck on the ho-ho-ho squirrel wheel, These two weird tricks will keep your appetite whetted, or at least equip you with enough snippets to make party chatter that’s more than incoherent grunts:
One: Read the Table of Contents. Not kidding: In what other government report will you find chapter titles like “Just call it corrupt and leave the rest to me,” or a section subhead with sixteen exclamation points?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes–16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Then, to prepare for when the talk edges toward the serious, look through the Recommendations. There’s eleven, but they only take up three and a half pages.
That’s it. And to top it off, I’ve clipped and compiled all this below. If you do end up snow- or icebound, here’s the link to the whole doggone thing; it’s free, and will keep you entertained til you fall asleep on the airport lounge floor, or your batteries all run down.
Not least, when you get back home and sleep it off, you can wake up in a brand-new year, and it will all still be true.
All but the Big Lie, the many Little Lies, the gaslighting, the voter frauds, the fake electors, the perjuries, the hair color, the tan, and some other stuff I can’t recall, your Honor, or haven’t gotten to yet.]
TABLE OF CONTENTS (Partial; just the “Narrative”)
The Full text of the report is online here.