Stephen Colbert

“He chose not to act,” Colbert added. “Same review he got for [his cameo role in the movie] Home Alone 2.”

The committee retraced Trump’s steps for the whole of January 6, including the afternoon spent watching Fox News in the White House. “Nothing unusual there – just an elderly man, parked in front of Fox News all day, confused about where the president is,” Colbert quipped.

Seth Meyers

On Late Night, Seth Meyers previewed Thursday’s primetime hearing with a teaser from the committee, in which it confirmed Trump spent the afternoon of January 6 sitting in a White House dining room watching television. “You’ve got to give it to Donald Trump – he was somehow both the most dangerous and also the laziest president in American history,” said Meyers. “Donald Trump, in the dining room, with the television, that’s the answer to every mystery in a game of Trump Clue.”

Meyers replayed depositions from several White House staffers, including press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, confirming that Trump spent all afternoon watching TV. “. . .  “He was cheering them on like he was watching Sunday Night Football. I’m shocked we don’t have a photo of him in the Oval Office wearing a hat, a foam finger and jersey that says Team Insurrection.”

Regardless of what aired on Thursday, “so much crazy shit has happened that it’s easy to forget the details of any specific Trump scandal,” Meyers added.

“I really hope that particular sequence of events is seared into history for ever. Normally, our history textbooks all have boring names, like Modern America: 1950 to the present, but when they get around to writing a book about this, they should just call it The Dude Tried to Get His Own Vice President KILLED, I MEAN WTF!!!”

And a PS. From Friday: Steve Bannon was convicted of contempt in federal court. The trial was a quickie — the Justice Department lawyer was reportedly aiming to make the Guinness Book of  World Records for The Shortest Prosecution Evah. One account I heard said it went something like this:

Prosecutor: Your Honor, the government will show that the defendant Bannon showed utter contempt for this court. (To the witness): Ma’am, did you send this subpoena to Mr. Bannon?

The witness: Yep.

Prosecutor: Did Mr. Bannon appear at the appointed time and place?

The witness: Nope.

Prosecutor: No further questions. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

[This testimony has been edited and reimagined, but not all that much.]

But alas, weekends don’t last very long . . .

. . . Then, it’s “back to business” in the hallowed halls . . .