I’m probably the last white guy in America to discover this. But this dude . . .
Christian Lander, Prophet of God for White People of Today.
. . . who says he’s originally from Toronto has delivered the most revealing message about white people, especially that sub-sub-sub-tribe of WPs that are called Liberal Quakers, that I ever saw. I’m not worthy to loosen the strap of his Birkenstocks, but here are a few quick tributes.
A bit of context for the rest of the half dozen of us who, like me, didn’t get the memo til this week: “Stuff White People Like” started out in 2008 as a blog, which drew millions of hits, and led quickly to book deals. It was early recognized as the Scripture of Snark, one of the few kinds of holy writ universally acknowledged by white people.
Just a sample from the first book:
“White people love diversity, but only as it relates to ethnic restaurants.”
There are 149 more similar entries in the book; I’d quote them all, but the publisher would probably sue me, so just a few more fair use snippets.
The second book, “Whiter Shades of Pale,” nails us regarding the current chief executive:
“Though technically only half-white, Barack Obama is America’s first truly white president. Jimmy Carter came close, but he expected people to make real sacrifices and white people aren’t really into that. No, Obama is the first white president for the following reasons: he went to law school, he attended an Ivy League school, he drives a hybrid, he planted an organic garden at the White House, and he has the one accessory that all white people long for: black children.”
He’s also invented a sidebar travel game, called “White travel Bingo. Here’s one sample board:
The trick is to look for white people exhibiting the telltale characteristics while driving from one white people’s destination (e.g., a film festival) to another (the farmers market).
and why do I say this book is particularly relevant to my liberal Quaker clan?? Dig it:
“White people will often say they are ’spiritual’ but not religious. This usually means that they will believe in any religion that doesn’t involve Jesus. . . .For the most part, white people prefer religions that produce artifacts and furniture that fit into their home or wardrobe. They are also particularly drawn to religions that do not require a lot of commitment or donations.”
“Awareness”
An interesting fact about white people is that they firmly believe all of the world’s problems can be solved through ‘awareness’–meaning the process of making other people aware of problems, magically causing someone else, like the government, to fix it. This belief allows them to feel that sweet self-satisfaction without actually having to solve anything or face any difficult challenges, because the only challenge of raising awareness is getting the attention of people who are currently unaware . . . .”
Just figured this was a good of a place as any to point out that the “White People” this guy writes about are a middle-class over-educated bunch. While many of my friends and Friends fall into this category, I personally do not. I don’t even own a car, I work for a wage, am a college drop-out, don’t own a home, and can’t afford organic vegetables, nor have any place to grow them.