On the Road to Perdition?
A Friend who had joined Quakers after leaving a Calvinist church was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign by a gas station, hit his car broadside and he was knocked out cold.
Passersby pulled him from the wreck, laid him on the sidewalk, and revived him. But after opening his eyes, the Friend began to struggle wildly. He had to be tranquilized by the paramedics.
Later, in the hospital, they asked him why he had put up so much resistance.
The Friend said, “I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab below a huge flashing ‘Shell’ sign… And somebody was standing in front of the ‘S'”.
The Scoop on Moses
Returning from First Day School one morning, a Quaker lad was asked by his mother, “What did thee learn in class today, son?”
“Well,” said the boy, “teacher told us about Moses crossing the Red Sea with the Children of Israel when the Egyptian army was after them.”
“Really. Now how did Moses do that?”
“Like, he built a bridge and had the Israelites cross it, see. Then he put dynamite in all the pillars, and when the Egyptian soldiers got on the bridge, he blew it up.”
Horrified, his mother demanded, “Is that what the teacher said to thee?”
“Like, not really,” the boy admitted, “but if I told thee the teacher’s crazy story, thee’d never believe a word of it.”
Physician, Heal Thyself?
For a long time, many very plain Quakers disdained higher
education. So when a bright young Friend decided to break
the mold, his course was not immediately understood by all.
He came home from college one bright summer day
with news for his family, and the first person he came upon
was his grandmother, in her long gray dress and bonnet,
rocking serenely on the front porch
“Grandmother,” the youth exclaimed, “Great news–
I’m going to become a Doctor of Philosophy!.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful, dear,” said his elder. She
rocked a few times, looking thoughtful. “But tell me,” she
said, knitting her brows, “just what kind of disease is Philosophy”?
A Healthy Skepticism
It may well have been the same elder whose real doctor, after examining her, shook his head and said, “Ah – Friend, some things even modern medicine can’t cure. I can’t make you any younger, you know.”
The elder gave him a sharp look. “Who asked thee to
make me younger?” she snapped. “I want thee to make me older.”