This One Weird Trick Will guarantee to Fully Empty Your Brain Before Labor Day Brunch — Try It NOW!

Labor Day Secrets:

How I Found the Right Job

In honor of Labor Day, here’s a first person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:

As a young man

My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t
concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack
it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried out in a donut shop, but soon got tired of
the hole business, and the boss always had this totally glazed look.

I manufactured calendars, but my days there were numbered.

I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly
because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing, and the foreman couldn’t stop needling me.

After that I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.

In my prime

Next I signed on in a car muffler factory, but that was

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I took pilot lessons, but tended to wing it, and didn’t have the
right altitude.
I studied to become a doctor, but didn’t have enough patients for
the job.

I almost became a Velcro salesman, but In the end couldn’t stick with it, and kept getting ripped off.

I tried my hand at being a tennis pro, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.

I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make
enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain; now that really frosted me.

I was a masseur for a while, but kept rubbing people the wrong way.

I managed to get a promising job at a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining, and I kept getting plugged up.

Later in life

I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t
fit for the job.

I thought about being a historian, but couldn’t see a future in

Next I tried being an electrician, but found the work shocking and
revolting, so they pulled the plug and discharged me.

I signed up to be a teacher, but soon lost my principal, my faculties,
and my class.

I turned to farming, but wasn’t outstanding in my field, and it was a tough row to hoe.

I took a job as an elevator operator. That one had its ups and downs,
and sure enough I got the shaft.

They took me on to sell origami and I really liked it, but then the business folded.


I really wanted to make it as a fireman, but suffered burnout, and got the hose.

They said I was a natural when I signed up as a mule trainer; but soon enough I was out on my ass.

I became a banker, but lacked interest and maturity, and finally checked out, withdrew and got bounced from the job.

I got hooked into a spin as a professional fisherman, but couldn’t live on my net income.

I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They
thought I was a loafer, and gave me the boot. But it was the wrong size and had a spike heel.

I landed at Starbucks, but it was always the same old grind, and I could never remember that pumpkin spice wasn’t a pie.

So now I’ve retired, and find I’m a perfect fit for this job!

6 thoughts on “This One Weird Trick Will guarantee to Fully Empty Your Brain Before Labor Day Brunch — Try It NOW!”

    1. Hi Lynne,
      I tweaked some of them, but basically I found this list rummaging around on the net. No “author” was noted; to me that makes it folk humor, so I just got in line with the other unnamed contributors.

  1. Well wise old man you continue to educate and amaze me. I was only about 1/2 way through reading these thoughts when it hit me. You see I had always thought that German puns sere the wurst. I was wrong. I live and learn. Thanks Chuck

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