Labor Day Secrets:
How I Found the Right Job
In honor of Labor Day, here’s a first person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:
As a young man
My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t
concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack
it, so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried out in a donut shop, but soon got tired of
the hole business, and the boss always had this totally glazed look.
I manufactured calendars, but my days there were numbered.
I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly
because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing, and the foreman couldn’t stop needling me.
After that I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
In my prime
Next I signed on in a car muffler factory, but that was
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
Then I took pilot lessons, but tended to wing it, and didn’t have the
I studied to become a doctor, but didn’t have enough patients for
I almost became a Velcro salesman, but In the end couldn’t stick with it, and kept getting ripped off.
I tried my hand at being a tennis pro, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.
I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make
enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain; now that really frosted me.
I was a masseur for a while, but kept rubbing people the wrong way.
I managed to get a promising job at a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining, and I kept getting plugged up.
Later in life
I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t
fit for the job.
I thought about being a historian, but couldn’t see a future in
Next I tried being an electrician, but found the work shocking and
revolting, so they pulled the plug and discharged me.
I signed up to be a teacher, but soon lost my principal, my faculties,
and my class.
I turned to farming, but wasn’t outstanding in my field, and it was a tough row to hoe.
I took a job as an elevator operator. That one had its ups and downs,
and sure enough I got the shaft.
They took me on to sell origami and I really liked it, but then the business folded.
I really wanted to make it as a fireman, but suffered burnout, and got the hose.
They said I was a natural when I signed up as a mule trainer; but soon enough I was out on my ass.
I became a banker, but lacked interest and maturity, and finally checked out, withdrew and got bounced from the job.
I got hooked into a spin as a professional fisherman, but couldn’t live on my net income.
I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They
thought I was a loafer, and gave me the boot. But it was the wrong size and had a spike heel.
I landed at Starbucks, but it was always the same old grind, and I could never remember that pumpkin spice wasn’t a pie.
So now I’ve retired, and find I’m a perfect fit for this job!