No, really: Just today I found an unimpeachable source, shown below. I saw the outline of the plan sitting there, exposed & unguarded — and, once an investigative reporter, always an investigative reporter — scooped it up.
Opening it, in an out-of-the-way corner of the undisclosed location (disguised as the checkout line of a certain big-box retailer), I whipped out my hidden camera and snapped the key pages, which are about to be revealed here, regardless of the risks. . . .
[The undisclosed location]
(And sorry, but for now you’ll just have to live without knowing the details of how Kelly Busted John, who maybe was cheating with another man. And I didn’t check to see what the “It” is that Richard Simmons just can’t take anymore.) After all, “War is hell.”
Perhaps you’re tempted to snicker, or even guffaw at all this, especially considering the source.
Well, laugh if you want, but be careful, because maybe the joke is on you.
After all, this blogger is rather late to the party when it comes to exploring the ties between this paper and the Oval Office guy. Much bigger, weightier media types have been all over it for quite awhile.
Take for instance, Bloomberg, the 800-pound gorilla of business news. This graphic is from a 2016 cover story by Felix Gillette in a pre-election issue of its Business Week :
“In 2011, shortly after Trump announced he would not run for the Republican nomination for president, the Enquirer published an article headlined, “Millions Implore Donald Trump to Reconsider New Presidential Run.” Eventually, Trump obliged. And soon after he declared his candidacy last summer, he gave Enquirer readers a world exclusive, in which he explained why he was running. “I am the only one who can make America great again!” he wrote.
More first-person essays from Trump followed. So did a flurry of articles from the Enquirer’s staff knocking his Republican primary opponents: Ben Carson was a “bungling surgeon,” Jeb Bush had “sleazy cheating scandals,” Ted Cruz’s father was linked to the assassination of John F. Kennedy. (Each of the candidates, or their surrogates, quickly disputed the Enquirer’s reporting.) In March, the Enquirer endorsed Trump for president—its first endorsement in its 90-year history.”
[NOTE: When the Enquirer threw itself a 90th birthday party [in September of 2016, it did so at — wait for it — the Trump SoHo Hotel in Manhattan.]
And then there’s the Washington Post, which has been singing the same song, about “The very cozy relationship between Donald Trump and the National Enquirer”, as their reporter Callum Borchers put it:
Trump and Enquirer chief executive David Pecker are reportedly palsy — “very close,” according to the New York Daily News, and “friends for years,” according to New York magazine. Conservative radio host Michael Savage, a Trump backer, told listeners last week that “David Pecker flies to Florida from New York on Trump’s private jet.” In 2013, Trump even suggested Pecker ought to take over Time magazine.
The apparent coziness has spawned the #TrumpLovesPecker hashtag. A representative sample from Twitter:
[Note: this blog decided to skip the “representative sample” here; some of it may be NSFW. But determined searchers can follow the hashtag.]
So no matter how unlikely it may seem, the Enquirer looks like about as good a showcase for this administration’s war plans as any; personally, I’d say it beats the White House press briefings all hollow.
And you’d better read fast, because the story says that the “Go Hour” for what the paper dubs “the Mother of All Wars,” but is more formally called “Operation Clean Sweep” is expected to be given at 1500 hours (3 PM for civilians) Central Daylight Time, sometime in early May.
“History,” says their source, “will long remember this day.” (In fact, this post is being written on a day in early May, and 1500 hours has passed; so maybe today was not this extra “Mother’s Day. Maybe.)
But enough of all that. What about “Operation Clean Sweep”? Where will its bunched bombs & bullets take their supposedly cleansing and righteous aim?
Well, the above map makes it look like those bloody bristles will be scouring many clogged corners simultaneously. “The [South American] drug cartels,” says the Enquirer source, “Boko Haram, Bashar al-Assad, Kim Jong Un, the evil ayatollahs, Operation Clean Sweep has plans for them all.” And more . . . .
Speaking of the “evil ayatollahs,” The Broom’s bristles, says the paper, will mean “sweeping sanctions across all economic sectors to bring the regime to its knees. ‘We’re done fooling around with Iran,’ said our Pentagon source.”
Moving to Syria, the stakes are being raised several notches higher: the “source” claims, “in an extraordinary move, President Trump has authorized the use of a nuclear weapon for only the third time in world history — and the first since World War II — to take out Syrian strongman Bashar al-Assad, if needed.” And once it is dropped, major military maneuvers will then be staged with other NATO allies in the Baltics, says the source, “to discourage” an expected hostile response from Russia to a nuke exploding near its border.
“America will drop a single B61 Model 12 nuclear weapon on [Assad’s heavily shielded underground] bunker. It’s the most advanced nuclear weapon in America’s arsenal, and is known as ‘Nuclear Tsunami.'”
[The B61 nuclear bomb]
Then in two other areas the plan involves newer high-tech warfare: For ISIS, “the ENQUIRER can report American intelligence has located [the] ISIS mastermind, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, [they say he’s hiding in Yemen, but don’t tell anybody] and he will soon meet his maker in a “surgical strike” drone attack directed by Special Forces.”
Several thousand miles away, North Korea’s missile and nuclear weapons will all be grounded and neutralized by “cyber-warriors from U.S. Cyber Command at Fort Meade, MD, [who will] initiate a massive assault on North Korea’s radar and surface-to-air defense systems,” followed by a missiles shot by “Stingray” drones from the aircraft carrier Carl Vinson.
“The drones will act in concert with intelligence assets [i.e., spies] within Kim Jong Un’s regime, which America has long cultivated. These agents will reveal Kim’s location for targeting by the drone-launched missile assault.”
[MQ25 “Stingray” carrier-launched drone]
For Europe, plans are also being readied for simultaneous raids to “swoop down” on what a CIA source told the Enquirer are ISIS-connected safe houses in “Madrid, Nice, Hamburg and Rome.”
And in Latin America, “Amphibious units from the U.S. 4th Fleet will hit narcotics production facilities throughout Mexico and South America — dealing a devastating blow to the bloodthirsty drug cartels.”
All in all, the Enquirer insists, the White House is
marshaling and mobilizing America’s military might around the globe in preparation for giving the ‘go order’ to launch a coordinated campaign across five continents that will wipe out America’s enemies in one fell swoop!
Is this all a fever dream? Campaign rhetoric taken flight? “Alternative facts” with no more substance than the Bowling Green Massacre?
Maybe. Military experts might question the practicality of some or most of these plans. Even so, there they are, laid out at length for an audience that’s been solidly in the president’s corner for years, in a journal he has communicated with directly and in detail many times.
And Enquirer Editor-in-Chief Dylan Howard is firm in his avowal of the paper’s “standards of truth”:
“What we do, that the mainstream media doesn’t do, is that we put people through lie-detector tests to prove the validity of their information,” said Howard. (He didn’t say the sources for this story had been thus subjected to this “enhanced interrogation,” but the implication is plain. . . .
But polygraphs aside, given the president’s well-established track record, announcing actual military plans for an imminent new version of “World War Three” in what has been his “newspaper of record” could make as much sense as floating them anywhere else. Or maybe more.
And ignoring or scoffing at them because of where they surfaced could make even less.