Behold: the USA Truckers Caravan Cometh

I wonder how many temporarily “Canadian” truckers, recently evicted from the bridge at Windsor/Detroit, are now chugging their way west across the windswept snowy plains, aiming for the desert around Coachella, near Palm Springs California?

Arrests, begin in Ottawa. About time, eh?

It’s not just the weather (weekend forecast sunny, dry & high 70s) that’s drawing them. Or the three local Indian casinos. Coachella is the announced starting point for a trucker insurgency which reportedly means to barnstorm its way across the continent, converge on Washington DC, and paralyze it a la Ottawa, for
— Well, for something.

The Gone-viral Facebook announcement of the U.S. convoy.

I’ve been watching the mess in Canada for weeks, and I’m not yet sure what they want, except maybe for the pandemic to go away without vaccines, masks, or anything else, and to take Justin Trudeau with them. Oh, and free gas.

Yesterday I read that one “occupier” repurposed a red MAGA cap to say, “Make CANADA Great Again.”

Poutine, classic: fries, cheese buds, brown gravy. Lots of other stuff can be added, but this is the basic patriotic Canadian staple. I like it.

Really? From my vantage point, Canada never stopped being great; but I’m an outsider, though I still like poutine.

And Coachella is certified as a great spot for a music festival (it now hosts several per year), so there’s plenty of parking, so why not borrow it to kick off an 18-wheeler apocalypse?

Coachella, at work.

Of course, gas prices are a bother (pushing $4.40 for regular). But heck, sounds like there’s plenty of rightwing dark money pouring in to fuel it.

There better be: those rigs average 6 [= six] mpg, or about 400 gallons, which is close to $1600, for the 2545 mile hike to DC, one-way, not including, food, tolls, bail and lawyer’s fees.

The gas & mileage is likely a low estimate: after all, how can the convoy resist taking the long way east, with stops for rallies in places like Phoenix, Houston, New Orleans, Memphis or Atlanta?

Almost holy water . . .

The free media would be worth a fortune, and they can almost be guaranteed at some point to get a slow drive-by baptism from the Orange Pope of Mar-a-Lago Himself, sprinkling Diet Coke from the owner’s box and sanctifying them, “In the Name of Let’s Go Brandon, the Junior & the Javanka.”

For that matter, the route almost has to join eventually with that main eastern artery of flyover country, Interstate 40, across North Carolina towards its Rendezvous With Destiny, at Interstate 95, where one left turn will aim them straight at the nation’s capitol.

I-40 meets I-95: Left past Rocky Mount, Washington is straight ahead. Right, I-40 to Raleigh for work, or Wilmington NC, to the Atlantic beaches.

Among the many benefits of that leg, besides the best barbecue, cheese grits and hot Krispy Kremes, I-40 takes them past a crucial pit stop in the historic town of Mebane, where they can refresh their most treasured supplies.

I speak, of course, of guns, and that central Carolina landmark, Mace Sports.

Even the rankest newcomer can’t miss it, with its huge electrified billboard of solidarity flashing Big Go Brandon love day and night right next to one of the busiest roadways in the region, showing its political vision for 2024 every minute, and highlighting the basics of tactical support, such as:

This Taurus snub-nosed pistol is made to be easily and fully hidden inside the waistband. It is not for hunting deer.

— this pistol, which is made for concealment. They also sell a mini-holster for keeping them at one’s side and out of the sight of snooping cops and troops, not to mention all kinds of ammo).

The .223 REM and 300BLK bullets are specially designed for use in such guns as AR-15s, AK-47s, and other rapid fire weapons used bu U.S. Special Forces in secret missions. (Not for deer hunting.)

Of course, this is America, not lily-livered socialistic Canada, so many (most?) of the convoy truckers will likely be packing their own heat. And who knows, maybe this time they’ll get to use it.

I’m trying to imagine the triumphal arrival scene:

The lead truck will be hauling a float, carrying MTG, firing her AR-15 into the air (or at liberals), flanked by Cawthorn, Hawley, & Boebert, who will each get a turn with a trigger, while behind them Paul Gosar slashes the throats of a pile of AOC dolls, and tosses them to the gleeful crowd.

And what will be the official response? Does anyone recall how many National Guard troops were surrounding the inauguration last year?

I didn’t notice them, myself. I figured they were all hidden somewhere behind Bernie Sanders and his mittens. And were they packing?

But now, how can any regular Fox news viewer believe that Sleepy Joe Biden would put up any kind of serious cordon like that?

More likely he’ll resign first, take Kamala Harris with him, both wearing masks, and leave Nancy Pelosi to deal with the convoy, armed only with her ceremonial gavel. Right?

I’m sure a second truck will showcase an electrified cross, and a gallows — but hey, that will just be for old times sake. I mean, like the RNC says, “legitimate political discourse,” and Mace Sports underlines that It’s all in  good fun.

From the Mace Sports website.

Yeah, the convoy is coming. Watch for the Signs of the Times gathering in Coachella, and then follow them rolling east like an inland Tsunami.

Unless your name is Mike Pence. Then I’d suggest checking into Dick Cheney’s old “undisclosed  location,” right quick.

As for me, if I had my druthers, about that time I’d be ordering an extra-sized serving of poutine.

Oh, but Don’t call DoorDash, eh?

I’ll come pick it up.

 

4 thoughts on “Behold: the USA Truckers Caravan Cometh”

  1. For Canadians to intentionally be making an enormous nuisance of themselves was intensely irritating, because it felt so un-canadian. It is not who we are (or imagine ourselves to be). The support coming for the US was also not appreciated. Most Canadians are closet patriots, and so were horrified at the huge economic damage this had the potential to do our nation. The initial calls by the leaders of this protest to have the governor general disband the federal government and then officially appoint them the newly declared leaders of the country destroyed any credibility or sympathy they might otherwise have been gifted. With so little support (probably never higher than 10%) they were trying to seize power they very obviously could never achieve through a ballot box. It made the leaders of this protest look like idiots at best or insurrectionists at worse, in showing so little respect for Canada and its democratic values.

    It was a credit to the protestors that while denying people sleep for days on end, they were at core peaceful. It was however noted that it was pretty telling in the controversy about swastika’s on flags, (originally intended to suggest that Trudeau was a fascist) that all sides seemed to feel that there was no glory to be had in being associated with a swastika. To a surprising extent this attack on our nation (intended to save the nation from itself), really emphasised divisions in what was perhaps naively imagined a very unified country with few serious divisions.

  2. I am officially petitioning for California to close it’s borders. I have had enough of Eastern Fruits and Nuts. Seriously I don’t think California is going to be nice about this stuff. And our law enforcement know perfectly well who pays their bills, I guess that’s not so true in other places.

  3. I don’t regard the truckers convoy is good clean nonviolent fun at all. They have found a way to intimidate whole governments, just what Trump adores. Through social media they were able to raise $8 million.

    Mussolini’s Black Shirts hundred years ago intimidated people into accepting Il Duce as their leader. With other straws in the wind, like calling plain facts fake news, generally messing with people’s minds, I feel apprehensive.

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