Stephen Colbert

“He chose not to act,” Colbert added. “Same review he got for [his cameo role in the movie] Home Alone 2.”

The committee retraced Trump’s steps for the whole of January 6, including the afternoon spent watching Fox News in the White House. “Nothing unusual there – just an elderly man, parked in front of Fox News all day, confused about where the president is,” Colbert quipped.

Trevor Noah on House marriage bill: ‘A great victory for 1995’

The committee also collected evidence on the grave threat to Mike Pence and his security during the attack. “Members of Pence’s security detail were calling their families to say goodbye,” Colbert summarized. “That’s how real the danger was. So anytime some Republican says this was just a normal tourist visit, remember that the guy at Disneyland dressed up as Goofy never has to call his wife to say, ‘I may not make it home tonight, huh-huh.’”

Noah also sent get well wishes to Joe Biden, who announced in a

And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah sent get well wishes to Joe Biden, who announced in a video Thursday that he had tested positive for Covid and was feeling OK. “Get well soon, sir,” said Noah. “You’ve made it through the Spanish flu, you can make it through this.”

“But I know why he’s got swag – he got vaxxed, he’s been boosted, he’s been double boosted and he’s taking anti-viral drugs,” he said. “And just to be safe, he’s sipping some bleach on the side.” . . .

“Another reason the president is going to be fine is because, let’s be honest, there’s not much that Covid can do to him,” Noah joked. “Let’s be honest, the virus is going to get in his body and be like, ‘let’s see what I can do here. Time to get some brain fog, some fatigue, some dizziness – wait, wait, have I already been here? What’s going on?’”

video Thursday that he had tested positive for Covid and was feeling OK. “Get well soon, sir,” said Noah. “You’ve made it through the Spanish flu, you can make it through this.”

Seth Meyers

On Late Night, Seth Meyers previewed Thursday’s primetime hearing with a teaser from the committee, in which it confirmed Trump spent the afternoon of January 6 sitting in a White House dining room watching television. “You’ve got to give it to Donald Trump – he was somehow both the most dangerous and also the laziest president in American history,” said Meyers. “Donald Trump, in the dining room, with the television, that’s the answer to every mystery in a game of Trump Clue.”

Meyers replayed depositions from several White House staffers, including press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, confirming that Trump spent all afternoon watching TV. “. . . “He was cheering them on like he was watching Sunday Night Football. I’m shocked we don’t have a photo of him in the Oval Office wearing a hat, a foam finger and jersey that says Team Insurrection.”

Regardless of what aired on Thursday, “so much crazy shit has happened that it’s easy to forget the details of any specific Trump scandal,” Meyers added.

“I really hope that particular sequence of events is seared into history for ever. Normally, our history textbooks all have boring names, like Modern America: 1950 to the present, but when they get around to writing a book about this, they should just call it The Dude Tried to Get His Own Vice President KILLED, I MEAN WTF!!!”

And a PS. From Friday: Steve Bannon was convicted of contempt in federal court. The trial was a quickie — the Justice Department lawyer was reportedly aiming to make the Guinness Book of World Records for The Shortest Prosecution Evah. One account I heard said it went something like this:

Prosecutor: Your Honor, the government will show that the defendant Bannon showed utter contempt for this court. (To the witness): Ma’am, did you send this subpoena to Mr. Bannon?

The witness: Yep.

Prosecutor: Did Mr. Bannon appear at the appointed time and place?

The witness: Nope.

Prosecutor: No further questions. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

[This testimony has been edited and reimagined, but not all that much.]

But alas, weekends don’t last very long . . .

. . . Then, it’s “back to business” in the hallowed halls . . .

NOTE: Normally I don’t watch late-night TV. That’s less from snobbery than the fact that normally I’m asleep by then. But I make an exception when the January 6 Committee show runs til almost midnight.

(Full disclosure: I didn’t watch those late shows last night either. But the New York Times did, as a special service for its less hardy subscribers, providing these tidbits.)

“He did not call them from a box.
He did not call while watching Fox.

He did not help out Uncle Sam.
His brain is made of eggs and ham.
But, in his defense, it is possible he forgot the number for 9-1-1.”

— STEPHEN COLBERT, on news that Trump didn’t reach out to any security officials on Jan. 6.

“Yes, he is a stain on our history — and thanks to these hearings, we know that stain is ketchup.”

— STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Representative Adam Kinzinger’s referring to Trump’s inaction as “a stain” on our history.

“The White House announced that President Biden has a mild case of Covid. On the bright side, it’s the first positive news Biden’s gotten in months.”

— JIMMY FALLON

And, the winner’s trophy in the Capitol Underground 100-Yard Dash goes to Jumpin’ Josh Hawley, the Sprinting Senator from Missouri.

A Friendly Letter

Chuck Fager — Writer, Editor

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